I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
