like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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