Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
