im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just invented taco cereal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize