she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
