So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
