remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
