smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
