Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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