I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
