coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
