Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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