it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
