Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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