The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
