some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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