Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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