I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
