Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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