They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
