Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
