The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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