I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Enjoy the penises
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
