If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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