Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize