Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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