I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize