i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
