she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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