is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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