It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
