Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
