look no pants
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
