Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
