Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize