Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
