I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
