Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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