im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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