Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
