we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This baby is an asshole
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
