Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize