We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
