we're chasing vodka with high fives
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so much tequila, so little girl.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
