This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
