I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
