Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
