I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize