Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
