my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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