There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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