You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
