i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
