Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
