Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize