it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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