The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
