i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
