I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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