Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
