We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
