Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
