There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
