i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
