I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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