my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
