I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
