I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she pinky promised me she was 18
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
