Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
