This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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