this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
