She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
